Crystal's Notes 1 Nov

Many leaders mistake politeness for psychological safety. They say, “We don’t fight; we get along great.” But harmony isn’t the absence of conflict, it’s the presence of trust.

High-performing teams don’t avoid conflict; they approach it with respect and curiosity. The real danger is when people are too afraid or too tired to speak up, and the culture starts rotting from within.

To measure psychological safety, try this quick self-check:
Ask yourself, “How are my opinions treated in my workplace?”

Level 1: Respected – Your views are cherished even when they are disruptive.

Level 2: Curiosity – Your ideas are explored with openness.

Level 3: Tolerated – You are heard but ignored.

Level 4: Unwelcome – You’re tolerated, but you feel marked.

Level 5: Punished – You get shut down or blamed.

If your team sits anywhere below “Curiosity,” what you have isn’t harmony.

The first step to breaking artificial harmony is to set the culture and to make clear what healthy conflict and true psychological safety look like in action.

Start by taking the time to define your team’s core values and what those values look like in daily behaviour. Don’t just say “we value empathy and psychological safety.” Show what it means.

Reinforce the Right Behaviours

Culture spreads through modelling. When you see someone live the values, name it. Maybe they handled a disagreement with empathy. Maybe they spoke up about something that could disrupt operations but ultimately make things better.

Every time you reinforce the right behaviour, you teach people that it’s safe, and even rewarded, to do the same.

The Inner Work of Leadership

If you’re conflict-avoidant by nature, that’s worth noticing. Avoidance often comes from the nervous system trying to protect itself. But leadership requires building tolerance for discomfort, and staying open and steady when things get hard. (If you need help with this, our Lead From Within Retreat with Dr. Harold & Leanne Robers is the way to go!)

If you want to lead with clarity, hold space for hard conversations, and show up with calm, grounded authority, our Deep Human Visibility course will show you how. It’s a step-by-step online guide to help you refine your message, strengthen your influence, and stay visible without losing your centre.

If you don't define the HOW, you can't manage toxic behaviour. If you are conflict avoidant and keep an “artificial harmony,” you are actively making your team weaker.

Stop avoiding the friction. Learn how to manage high-stakes conversations and influence change. 

Much love,

Crystal