Crystal's Notes 14 February

I get asked this question often: Why do certain people trigger me so intensely?

Most of us think it's about them. Their behaviour, their tone, their choices. But what I've learned through years of inner work is this: the traits that irritate you most in others are often the parts of yourself you've disowned.

This is what Carl Jung called the "shadow." It's not some dark, mystical concept. It's simply the parts of yourself you've hidden or denied, usually because they felt unacceptable or shameful.

Maybe you judge people who are "too ambitious" because you learned early on that wanting attention was selfish. Maybe you resent colleagues who set firm boundaries because you were taught that saying no makes you difficult. Maybe you're irritated by people who show vulnerability because you were raised to believe emotions are weakness.

Here's the thing: what you don't acknowledge runs you unconsciously.

When you suppress parts of yourself, anger, desire, rest, pleasure, they don't disappear. They show up as triggers and reactions you don't understand.

I've seen this play out countless times with leaders I work with. The ones who struggle most with "difficult" team members are often the ones who haven't made peace with their own complexity. They expect others to be rational, controlled, predictable, because they've spent years trying to be that way themselves.

But leadership isn't about perfection. It's about becoming whole.

Shadow work is about examining what you've hidden, getting curious about your triggers, and reclaiming the parts of yourself you've rejected. Not to indulge every impulse, but to make choices from awareness instead of compulsion.

When you do this work, something shifts. You stop being so reactive. You can hold space for others' emotions without absorbing them. You lead from a place of groundedness, instead of performance.

This is just a part of what we explore in the Deep Human Leadership Workshop. Over two transformative days, we take a deep dive into self-awareness, self-mastery, and mastering people skills. We also host two virtual practice sessions afterward, so you can integrate what you've learned and receive ongoing guidance.

The goal isn't to become a different person. It's to become more fully yourself, so you can lead with clarity, connection, and real presence.

You can find all the details here.

Much love,

Crystal

(Photo courtesy of Tatler)