Crystal's Notes 21 Dec

My career in investment banking began with sausage rolls. As a hungry law student in England, I crashed a banking recruitment event for free food. Mid-bite, I got caught by a banker in a suit who asked what I was doing there. Under pressure, I made up a story about surveying recruitment events for the student committee. He didn’t buy it, but he gave me his card anyway, saying, “You’re a great storyteller—maybe you should work in investment banking.”

That encounter led to an interview in London, where I landed one of the most competitive internships.

It was my first real lesson in the power of Deep Human skills. It wasn’t my technical skills that opened that door. It was the ability to connect with others, think on my feet, and convey trust that did, and these skills would go on to shape every chapter of my career.

Navigating Conflict with Courage and Empathy

Like I shared with Aileen Xu on The Lavendaire Lifestyle Podcast recently, one of the skills top companies engage me to teach is how to handle conflict. In any difficult conversation, people’s natural instincts—fight, flight, or freeze—can derail communication. But with the right approach, conflict can be transformed into collaboration.

Here are some tips I’ve shared with teams and leaders:

1. Intent Before Content: Before diving into the issue, share your intention. For example, start by saying, “I care deeply about this project, and I want us to succeed as a team.” This signals that you’re not attacking the other person but are invested in solving the problem together.

2. Use “We” Language: Phrases like “We need to address this together” create a sense of collaboration. Instead of “You’re not pulling your weight” try, “How can we better support each other to meet our goals?”

3. Deactivate Alarm Bells: The brain’s amygdala reacts to perceived threats by triggering defensiveness. Your first priority in a tough conversation is to make the other person feel safe. Acknowledge their strengths, show appreciation, and emphasize shared goals before addressing the problem.

Deep Human Leadership: Leading Yourself First

Leadership is often seen as guiding others. But true leadership begins with leading yourself. This is what I teach in my Deep Human Leadership course:

Day 1 – Leading Yourself

• Understand emotional intelligence and develop a resilient, success-oriented mindset.

• Build leadership skills for adaptability and mindful decision-making in a VUCA world.

• Manage stress, emotions, and triggers while fostering self-awareness and creative thinking.

• Cultivate a growth mindset to overcome limiting beliefs and take ownership.

Day 2 – Leading Others Through Challenging Times

• Strengthen trust, empathy and communication in challenging scenarios.

• Master feedback, coaching, and conflict resolution while ensuring psychological safety.

• Promote inclusivity, collaboration, and high performance within teams.

Both days focus on practical, actionable strategies for immediate leadership impact.

These skills aren’t just buzzwords. They show up in every meeting, every decision, and every interaction. Whether it’s managing a team, having a difficult conversation, or adapting to new challenges, they define how we show up as leaders.

Here’s to showing up for the hard conversations, and building the courage to lead from within.

Much love

Crystal