Crystal's Notes 22 Nov

It’s easy to criticise Gen Z for being too casual, blunt, or informal, and just as easy to dismiss older generations as rigid, long-winded, or out of touch.

But the real culprit behind most communication breakdowns at work is professionalism and emotional maturity.

When someone is rude and justifies it by saying, “I'm just in a bad mood,” that's not okay.

If you're leading a team, don’t ignore comments like that. Instead, meet it with clarity and steadiness. Say, “I understand you’re not feeling your best, but professionalism is part of the standard here.”

And if someone lets sarcasm, a dismissive tone, or passive aggression into a group setting, say, “We can disagree, but how we disagree matters. Let's keep it respectful.”

If people continue to ignore those standards, tell them you’re not there to police their mood or convince them they need to be professional. It is their prerogative to decide whether they want the job or not, and it is your job to make clear to them what the expectations are, and how they can succeed in the environment. 

Of the skills top companies engage me to teach is how to handle conflict. In any difficult conversation, people’s natural instincts, to fight, flight, or freeze, can derail communication. But with the right approach, conflict can be transformed into collaboration.

Here are some tips I’ve shared with teams and leaders:

1. Intent Before Content: Before diving into the issue, share your intention. For example, start by saying, “I care deeply about this project, and I want us to succeed as a team.” This signals that you’re not attacking the other person but are invested in solving the problem together.

2. Use “We” Language: Phrases like “We need to address this together” create a sense of collaboration. Instead of “You’re not pulling your weight” try, “How can we better support each other to meet our goals?”

3. Deactivate Alarm Bells: The brain’s amygdala reacts to perceived threats by triggering defensiveness. Your first priority in a tough conversation is to make the other person feel safe. Acknowledge their strengths, show appreciation, and emphasise shared goals before addressing the problem.

These are some of the tools we teach in Deep Human Influence, our workshop on how to communicate with influence, handle high-stakes conversations, and lead without losing your centre. If you’re working on staying clear under pressure, this is where you can start.

The leaders who rise are the ones who stay calm when others spiral, hold respect when conversations get heated, and keep things rooted in what really matters. If you’re working on becoming someone who speaks with clarity, builds trust quickly, and shows up with steady presence, Deep Human Visibility is our best-selling, self-paced course that helps you do exactly that. It’s a 30-day guide to becoming visible and influential, without losing your voice or burning out.

Much love,

Crystal