Crystal's Notes 23 May

Most advice about managing senior stakeholders focuses on what to say, such as how to frame your proposal, how to structure your presentation, or how to answer difficult questions.

However, in my experience, the most important skill is often overlooked: how to listen past the words and hear what isn't being said.

Senior stakeholders will rarely volunteer their true feelings in a room because they may feel that showing uncertainty or disagreement in front of others could undermine their authority. So instead, they nod, say "that's interesting”, or just go quiet. And if you don't know how to read those signals, you'll walk out thinking you have alignment when you don't.

Albert Mehrabian's research tells us that only 7% of communication is carried through words, 38% through tone of voice, and 55% through body language. Which means the most important part of any stakeholder conversation is the part that's not spoken aloud.

So how do you catch the words unspoken?

You start with their baseline. Every stakeholder is different, and before you can spot a deviation, you need to know what normal looks like for them. How do they usually hold themselves in a meeting? Do they naturally lean in or sit back? Are they typically warm or reserved? Once you get a good grasp of their usual mannerisms, you'll notice when something shifts.

Then watch for the signals. When engagement is dropping, eyes drift, bodies turn slightly away, and responses get shorter and snappier. When there's hidden disagreement, they nod but the face doesn't follow – they might purse their lips while their eyes go flat, and they say "that's interesting" with no follow-up question. When there's real buy-in, they lean forward, ask specific questions, and start connecting your points to their own context.

When you sense discomfort, don't ignore it. Surface it gently. Say something like: "I get the sense this part raises some questions." Or, "Let's pause here. Does this align with what you're seeing on your end?" The framing of “what am I missing" is particularly powerful because it positions them as the expert and you as someone genuinely seeking input and thus creates safety for them to share what they've been holding back.

Paul Ekman's decades of research on microexpressions showed that humans involuntarily reveal their true emotional states in brief, fleeting facial expressions that last less than a second. Most people never learn to see the, but the leaders who do have an extraordinary advantage in any room.

This is exactly what we teach in Deep Human Leadership, our 2-day immersive workshop where we take a deep dive into self-awareness, self-mastery, and mastering people skills. You'll learn how to read rooms, navigate complex interpersonal dynamics, and develop the social-emotional intelligence to lead with clarity and confidence in any situation. We also host two virtual practice sessions afterward so you can continue to integrate and refine these skills.

Because what you can't see in a conversation is often more important than what you can.

You can find all the details here.

Much love,

Crystal