Crystal's Notes 28 September

Parenting is hard. As I discussed in my podcast with Christine Amour-Levar, so much of parenting seems beyond our control, and I really feel that now that my kids are teenagers.

When I am at my best: 

1. I listen to understand, not to fix

2. I see my children as people, not as problems

3. I have a sense of humour

4. I am able to stay out of mum guilt

5. I am able to reinforce boundaries and give them the gift of exercising their frustration, tolerance and resilience muscles.

But when I am super stressed and busy with work, I do the exact opposite!

Quality vs Quantity

I used to think that quality time was all that mattered when it came to being with my kids, but I’ve realized that both quality and quantity are essential. There were tasks I delegated because I didn’t see them as things I had to do myself, but those were actually moments my kids cherished. For instance, I didn’t think I needed to be there while my teenage son got his haircut, but I could tell it made him very happy when I did.

Unlike at work, we can’t really outsource parenting tasks. While it’s important to set boundaries for their growth and learning, being present for the little things — especially the ones that matter to them — makes a big difference.

Mindful Parenting

If you’d like to learn more about mindful parenting, join our senior facilitators for our Parenting With Purpose workshop. You will learn how to establish a deeper relationship with your children, without losing your sense of self. Part of the workshop will also help you discover the power of self-acceptance in your parenting journey, and uncover your inner child wounds that impede your success as a parent. Get more details here.

Nothing in life will ever prepare you for the lessons you will learn while being a parent. And any success you have in your life will not matter, if you don’t feel you’ve brought up your kids well.

But, perfection is an illusion, and judgment and shame can be toxic. Be honest with yourself, but also practice self-compassion. You can do this by bringing more intentional awareness into your daily life as well. At the end of the day, we can only do our best.

Much love

Crystal