Crystal's Notes 5 April

Recently, someone asked me:
"What should our team do if a client keeps making things difficult and we always get blamed, even when the delay is due to their last-minute feedback?"

I had to give some tough love.

The way we talk about a situation often reveals how much power we’re giving away. If your language is full of “They did this” or “We were blamed”, you may be stuck in a victim mindset, and that’s the fastest way to lose credibility and influence at work.

Here’s how you can shift out of victim mode and into responsible leadership:

1. Stop making it all about them

Instead of saying “They’re purposely being difficult”, try “This is the situation, here’s what I’ve done so far, and here’s what I’m trying next.”

When we shift the focus from “they” to “I”, we move from blame to agency. You can't control the client, but you can control your tone and your response.

2. Take ownership for your views

Don't hide behind others or phrases like “Everyone was upset”. Say “In my opinion, this wasn’t a fair assessment because…”

This sounds stronger and earns more respect.

3. Drop the black-and-white thinking

Move from egosystem to ecosystem thinking. Saying “We were right, they were wrong” makes you sound defensive. Instead, try “I take ownership for what I could’ve done better. Having said that, I also observed X on their end.” This shows accountability and maturity.

4. Don’t become an energetic drain

Your colleagues are not your emotional support animals. Venting nonstop about the past drains the room and lowers your influence. Instead of saying “OMG do you remember the time that client…” say “That was tough, but I’ve processed it and learnt the lessons I needed to.”

5. Reclaim your power

You are not helpless. 99.999% of the time we do have a choice in what we do. No one is holding a gun to our heads forcing us to work in this particular situation. Saying “I had no choice” or “It’s hopeless” reinforces powerlessness. Instead, say “I didn’t feel good about it, but here’s what I chose to do.”

Difficult clients and colleagues are part and parcel of life. Certain jobs and roles include a fair amount of apologising for things that may not directly be your fault, whether you like it or not, because you’re a representative of the company.

Of course, I am not advocating to let clients abuse you. If they are severely unprofessional, remove yourself from the situation and address this with company leadership and HR. But if they are within the bounds of professional behaviour and not being disrespectful, then you need to be more skillful, and zoom out to see the bigger picture. We are all getting paid to do what is hard. That’s why it’s called work!

If you’re interested in learning these skills at a deeper level, join me at my Deep Human Leadership training, or my workshop on Career Visibility. Learn how to navigate challenging situations, advocate for yourself, and lead with maturity.

Much love

Crystal