Crystal's Notes 1 June

A heartfelt message from my weekly AMA on Instagram got me thinking about the phantom ships we all have.

This member of the community shared how she felt ashamed after a recent promotion, because she was much older than her peers. She had prioritised other goals earlier on in her career, and even though she knew that it was the right thing to do then, she couldn’t help but feel upset that she was ‘old’ for her title.

In life, the choices we make shape who we are. As much as we might wish to redo certain decisions or wonder about them, the poet Tomas Transtromer reminds us that everyone’s life has a phantom ship — one that follows another route from what we ended up taking. While we sometimes long for these ghost ships of alternative destinies, we need to realise too that the life on that ghost ship is not ours. That version of you on that phantom ship is also different in so many ways from the you right here, sitting with this bittersweet longing of the could-haves, would-haves, and should-haves.

Major events — even promotions — can trigger self-doubt and comparison. No matter if your decision was about whether to have kids, or to pursue a career goal, or to end a relationship, you would never know what could have been. But what you can do is witness your emotions, share them with a loved one, and express gratitude for the riches we do have in this life we earned. Raise a glass to the phantom ships sailing past us, to make a toast to the ships that you did not board, either by choice or by chance.

A member of my IG community shared this line in response to the original post: “There are many versions of a happy life”. Isn’t that so powerful and so true? It would help to be mindful whenever we are wistful, to actively notice the present moment without getting lost in judgement, and with an attitude of curiosity, compassion and gratitude. Perhaps then we may find contentment with our chosen versions of a happy life.

Much love

Crystal