Crystal's Notes - 30th September 2023

Dear Tribe

One of the most popular requests from you on my weekly AMA are for pointers on making conversation, navigating networking and building connections with different types of people. We just ran two workshops on the above for Maybank Malaysia and had a wonderful time working with everyone there.

With year-end invitations and company functions coming, are you worried about making small talk? Many people don’t realise this, but small talk is actually very important as it allows people to talk about lower stakes topics, before delving deeper.

If you’re worried, your work bestie is here to tell you that is perfectly normal to feel anxious about such social events; the fear of being judged is not uncommon. But what if I also tell you most people are thinking more about themselves than they are about you? Not that you’re not important, but this is just the way people are. I hope knowing this will help you take that first step to being less self-conscious!

In our recent podcast, Greg and I gave some tips and techniques on the topic. We talked about the art of conversation using Aristotle’s concept of logos, ethos and pathos.

Logos is about appealing to the listener’s sense and logic. One way you can do this is to improve the substance of your message by using metaphors. Metaphors allow for evocative imagery to express what you’re trying to say. For example, if you want to say you got a really good deal while shopping, you could say you got a Ferrari for the price of a Toyota! Imagery helps people to remember what you’re saying.

Another tip we have is to read! Be curious about what is happening around the world, what experts are saying, and these become reference points to weave into conversations. When you’re interested, you’re interesting. Don’t fear having an opinion! Also, ask interesting and evocative questions. For example, you can ask what someone’s passion project is, or questions that get them to share deeper reflections. One tip I have to share is that everyone likes to give opinions and advice for free. Ask, “What is your favourite place to eat in your area?” “What did you wish you had known when you were starting out?” It helps the other person feel respected and involved in the conversation as well.

Ethos is used to convey your credibility and authority, through referencing your accomplishments or achievements. Share specific stories of how you or your team added value for the company, or an insider tip you have about your industry. This will guarantee you a captivated audience.

Pathos is to have persuasive appeal that makes you memorable. This is not only about the words you say, but your energy, your tone of voice and your body language. All that signals to the other person that you’re excited, curious and interested in the conversation. This includes making sounds or verbal indicators to encourage the other person to help them feel the resonance in the conversation.

One final tip is to combine ethos and pathos. Think about three values you’d love people to associate with you, and constantly reference them. This is almost like branding yourself a certain way. What do people say about you when you leave the room? That makes your branding and reputation.

We all have different conversational styles. Think about what type of conversationalist you are, or the type that you want to be. Don’t let fear get in the way of the sparkling conversationalist that you can be!

Here’s the pod link if you’ve not heard it. Have a listen to get the details, and you can also check out samples of Greg’s affirming sounds for conversations!

P.S. Last chance to sign up for our Ibiza retreat at Six Senses here.